To HD or Not to HD; There is No Question

You'll have to forgive the Couch Potato if he seems a bit distracted this week. The baseball playoffs are in full bloom, my Missouri Tigers improved to 6-0, and my boy played the soccer game of his life. But when my HD DirecTV Sunday NFL Ticket package airs the Pats/Dolphins game tomorrow morning, all will once again be right in the world. (And if you're watching your Sunday football in HD, then you know of what I speak. HD Football has joined the short list of life's necessities, alongside electricity, flush toilets, and chocolate fudge Oreos.

So here we are, at basically the one-fourth mark of the season, and the balance of power is about as clear as mud. We have 3-1 teams who were expected to go nowhere, and 1-3 teams who were pre-season Super Bowl favorites. So I guess the Couch Potato shouldn't be surprised if he goes 6-8 this week. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna take it sitting down! Okay, so I'll take it sitting down, but I don't have to be happy about it.

BUFFALO (2-2) at CHICAGO (4-0)
I still say that at some point, midnight strikes and Rex Grossman's chariot turns back into a pumpkin, but with Buffalo this week, followed by games against Arizona, San Francisco and Miami, Grossman could be the talk of the NFL at 8-0. What's next, we find out that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are real?

CLEVELAND (1-3) at CAROLINA (2-2)
If the Browns can manage to fall behind 21-3 to the Raiders, for God's sake, how much of a first-half shellacking are they likely to take from a solid Carolina team trying to erase the memory of an 0-2 start?

DETROIT (0-4) at MINNESOTA (2-2)
At least the sports fans in Detroit have the Tigers to keep them busy right now--otherwise, heads would be rolling at Lions headquarters. Of course, if WR Roy Williams keeps guaranteeing victories, sooner or later he'll have to be right, yes?

MIAMI (1-3) at NEW ENGLAND (3-1)
Things have gotten so bad for Daunte Culpepper in Miami that he's actually starting to lobby Nick Saban to consider making a trade with Oakland for Randy Moss. Moss' response? "F*** that, man. On second thought, if it'll get me out of this hell, I'd take a trade to an NFL Europe team."

ST. LOUIS (3-1) at GREEN BAY (1-3)
As Brett Favre goes, so go the Packers. And where they're going this season is right down the toilet. If I'm Aaron Rodgers, I'm praying for Favre to stay healthy so I can step in NEXT year.

TAMPA BAY (0-3) at NEW ORLEANS (3-1)
To counter the stress of the Bucs' horrendous start, coach Jon Gruden has taken to chewing on leather when he isn't tearing his players' heads off. Next on the menu: QB Chris Simms' shoes.

TENNESSEE (0-4) at INDIANAPOLIS (4-0)
How sure a thing is this? If Indy were a meteor and the Titans were the earth, I'd be chartering a shuttle craft rather than writing this column.

WASHINGTON (2-2) at NY GIANTS (1-2)
I don't want to say that Giants coach Tom Coughlin has become the fall guy for the team's disappointing start, but last week, 739 fans sent him one-way plane tickets out of New York.

KANSAS CITY (1-2) at ARIZONA (1-3)
Here's the difference between Phoenix and other NFL cities: The Cardinals are finally acknowledging that Kurt Warner's NFL career is pretty much over, only 3 years after the rest of the league came to the same conclusion.

NY JETS (2-2) at JACKSONVILLE (2-2)
The Jets are playing over their heads, the Jags are playing under theirs. I foresee this adding up to one long week for the Jets. Based on my history with the Jets, this probably means you should take them.

OAKLAND (0-3) at SAN FRANCISCO (1-3)
This is one of those rare instances when two such terrible teams playing each other may lead to a classic. And how many times has anyone been able to declare Alex Smith the best quarterback on the field?

DALLAS (2-1) at PHILADELPHIA (3-1)
T.O. will enter Lincoln Financial field throwing daisies to the Eagles' fans as they shower him with blown kisses and cheers of love in a tribute to the special relationship "the player" and "the city" shared. Oh, and Mel Gibson and his father are making sizable donations to the Jewish Defense League.

PITTSBURGH (1-2) at SAN DIEGO (2-1)
The poor play of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger has had coach Bill Cowher clamping his jaw down so intensely that he's broken 7 of his teeth this week.

BALTIMORE (4-0) at DENVER (2-1)
The Broncos’ decision to prepare for the arrival of the Ravens by taking out additional insurance on QBs Jake Plummer and Jay Cutler may appear to signal low confidence, but catching Denver at home after a bye week sounds to me like the recipe for a Baltimore letdown.