Can Jimmy Kimmel play backup QB?

Just one week into its run, and the Couch Potato's new Meet This Week's Expert feature meets its first challenge, as last week's champ, Steve Sugg, sadly did not reply to email interview requests. Steve, wherever you are, these are the decisions that kill careers. Ask McLean Stevenson, who left MASH to branch out on his own, or that chick who played Tasha Yar on Star Treck TNG before seeking greener pastures that, unfortunately, were torched before she could find them...

Note to next week's winner (hopefully me): When the Couch Potato comes calling with questions, answer them, or he's pulling out his voodoo doll.

In the meantime, Couch Potato couldn't possibly let the Jimmy Kimmel situation go without comment...for those who weren't aware, Kimmel has been banned from Monday Night Football telecasts after relentlessly picking on Joe Theismann during last week's game, spurring a network exec to call him "classless." What, they were thinking if they brought in the obnoxious Kimmel for a gripping Giants-Falcons broadcast, he was gonna spend his night expressing man-love for Eli Manning?

It's late, and Couch Potato is spent-- so on to this week's games...

BALTIMORE (4-2) AT BUFFALO (1-4)
When last we visited Buffalo, it was the occasion of that wacky Monday Night win over Dallas a couple of weeks ago. Couch Potato will go out on a limb here and venture to guess that if the Bills return a kickoff and two interceptions for touchdowns again, they won't find a way to blow the game. Of course, when Ray Lewis is in town, it's usually the Ravens' D that's doing the intercepting.

TAMPA BAY (4-2) AT DETROIT (3-2)
Don't look now, but Jeff Garcia's at it again. After leading the Eagles to the playoffs last year, Garcia was jettisoned, landed in Tampa, and has helped turn around an expected cellar-dwellar by making smart decisions and not throwing a pick through 5 games. Jeff, keep that up, and you might not have to pack your bags and move this offseason.

TENNESSEE (3-2) AT HOUSTON (3-3)
Never mind Vince Young's quadricep injury. The guy could have been beaten with a pool cue by Tony Soprano, and he'd still suit up to take vengeance on the hometown team that passed him up for Mario Williams. The Texans' improving prospects have helped to take that sting out of that blunder, but the site of Young running into the end zone untouched will bring all the old feelings right back.

NEW ENGLAND (6-0) AT MIAMI (0-6)
Don't be fooled by the records, folks. This is a potential trap game, as always. Two teams that are very familiar with each other, playing in the lesser team's stadium, in a game that couldn't mean less. It's like breaking up with your boy/girlfriend at their place. You go in with the upper hand, and you come out the next morning wondering what happened to your underwear.

SAN FRANCISCO (2-3) AT NY GIANTS (4-2)
Alex Smith--he of the porous line and anemic passing attack--may return to the lineup just in time to find out why the Giants's D-line got to Donovan McNabb 12 times a couple of weeks ago. Couch Potato strongly suggests wrapping Smith's shoulder very tightly.

ATLANTA (1-5) AT NEW ORLEANS (1-4)
Every time Atlanta fans watch Joey Harrington drop back to pass, a disturbing little thought runs through their minds: "Y'know, maybe dog fighting isn't such a big deal after all." Meanwhile, before all the talk of a Saints' revival gets much louder after one good half against Seattle, consider that top WR Marques Colston had 1 catch for all of 2 yards (granted, it was a touchdown, but still). And just like with Katrina, FEMA ain't gonna be any help.

ARIZONA (3-3) AT WASHINGTON (3-2)
Is there a harder-luck team than the Cardinals? They finally appear to be getting their act together, and they lose their top 2 QBs in successive weeks. If Tim Rattay is their starter for any length of time, Matt Leinart may have to do something drastic, like pose for the cover of GQ magazine.

NY JETS (1-5) AT CINCINNATI (1-4)
Anyone notice that the Jets never seem to play as expected? Every season, they either overachieve or underachieve. Of course, their fans aren't saddled with the kind of dashed hopes Bengals' fans are carrying around this year. To be 1-4 with Carson Palmer throwing to Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmansadeh is like having Taco Bell for dinner when there's a sack of lobster tails in the fridge.

KANSAS CITY (3-3) AT OAKLAND (2-3)
That's right, folks, with the Chargers off this week, a win by Kansas City gives the Chiefs sole possession of first place in the AFC West. And in a related story, Dennis Kucinich really does have a shot at the White House.

CHICAGO (2-4) AT PHILADELPHIA (2-3)
Okay, Andy Reid, since no one else seems to get this, let's try saying it really slow: If you want to beat the Bears, do not kick to Devin Hester. And for the love of God, don't ask your players to put on those ridiculous uniforms they wore while beating the Lions a couple of weeks back. Well, unless you want them to ask the cheerleaders to the dance after the game.

MINNESOTA (2-3) AT DALLAS (5-1)
Dallas watched helplessly as Tom Brady picked its secondary apart last week. Now it will watch helplessly as Adrian Peterson runs circles around the Cowboys' front seven. With 3 consecutive games against division opponents to follow, this is not a good time for Dallas to establish a losing streak. TO can pull out that locker-room cancer whenver the mood strikes him.

ST. LOUIS (0-6) AT SEATTLE (3-3)
The Couch Potato takes great comfort from life's inevitabilities--that the sun will rise in the morning, taxes will be due April 15, that New Year's resolutions will be abandoned in 5 minutes, and that the Seahawks will continue their annual march toward 9-7.

PITTSBURGH (4-1) AT DENVER (2-3)
All the bye-week rest in the world isn't going to plug up Denver's porous run defense, and in case no one's noticed, that's not the best problem to have when the Steelers are coming to town. Then again, picking on the Broncos may be a bit unfair when one considers the brutal 5-game stretch they're in the midst of (and they're 0-3 thus far): Jacksonville, at Indianapolis, San Diego, Pittsburgh, Green Bay.

INDIANAPOLIS (5-0) AT JACKSONVILLE (4-1)
With the Cowboys left mangled by the Pats, the Colts have an opportunity to send an equally strong message against a key division rival. Of course, Maurice Jones-Drew running up and down the field might put a little damper on those plans.